Is Your Lodge Group Chat Doing More Harm Than Good

Your Lodge probably has a group chat on WhatsApp, Messenger or a similar type of service. They’re great for communicating and getting a quick message out to all brethren and keeping in touch with short messages about what’s happening in Lodge.

I’ve noticed an alarming trend with Lodge group chats that kicks off a chain reaction and when this happens, it negatively affects the Lodge and its members.

In this edition of Rarely Daily Masonic Progress, I will share with you:

1. What the chain reaction that harms your lodge is,

2. Why it’s bad for the lodge,

3. How to fix it so you can grow your lodge

By the end, you will know how to prevent this negative effect on your lodge and help keep your brethren happy and your lodge thriving.

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What kicks off the negative chain reaction is “apologies”. When you have a lodge meeting of any kind there will always be someone who sends their apologies via the group chat.

At first, this seems innocent enough. It’s a quick message to send your apologies because you can’t make it and you wanted to let everyone know. Sounds like a good way to manage apologies. After all, the brethren can then reply with positive messages of “We will miss you brother”. Except while this does happen, the negative chain reaction that kicks off is actually more apologies.

Here’s what really happens. One brother posts his apology. Then another brother, who was perhaps borderline about attending (maybe he had a long day at work, or there’s a show on TV he wanted to watch) sees that first apology. Suddenly, it feels acceptable to skip. So he posts his apology too. Then another brother sees two apologies and thinks, “Well, if they’re not going, maybe it’s not worth my effort either.” Before you know it, you have five, six, seven apologies cascading through the group chat.

This is social proof and permission-seeking behaviour combined with herd mentality. It’s the same psychological phenomenon that makes people more likely to litter in an already littered street, or leave a restaurant when they see it’s empty. One person’s action gives permission for others to follow.

And here’s the critical part. This happens with all types of meetings. Regular stated meetings, rehearsals, special events. It doesn’t discriminate. The apology cascade is an equal opportunity attendance killer.

Why This Hurts Your Lodge

The damage from the apology cascade isn’t just about one poorly attended meeting. It’s far more insidious than that.

First, consider the brethren who DO plan to attend. They’ve made a commitment. They’ve turned down other invitations, rescheduled family time, or simply decided that their lodge night is important. Then they open their phone and see a stream of apologies flowing through the group chat. How do you think that makes them feel? Disheartened doesn’t even begin to cover it. They’re giving up their time, their evening, their other commitments to be there, and they’re watching their brethren publicly declare that the lodge isn’t their priority.

Second, attendance actually drops. What might have been a borderline decision to attend becomes a definite “no” when brethren see others not coming. The psychological permission to skip becomes too strong to resist.

Third, and perhaps most damaging, it creates a culture problem that extends far beyond attendance numbers. Lodge becomes something you do “if you haven’t got anything better to do” rather than a commitment you honour. It shifts from being a priority to being an afterthought.

But there’s an even deeper issue here. The apology cascade creates a culture where we don’t have to be accountable. Sending an apology via a group chat or even via a direct message is a low-friction activity. It’s easy to do, so people do it. It’s the path of least resistance. When you send a text message, you don’t have to confront someone about why you can’t be bothered to come to lodge. You don’t have to hear the disappointment in their voice. You don’t have to explain yourself beyond a quick “Sorry, can’t make it tonight.”

And here’s what many brethren forget. When you don’t show up, someone else has to pick up the slack. At rehearsals, someone else has to step in and cover your part. At regular meetings, officers have to scramble to fill gaps. Those brethren who did honour their commitment now have to work harder because you took the easy way out.

We have to remember that we are symbolically employed as stonemasons, albeit speculative ones. You wouldn’t leave your co-workers short on a job site. When you’re absent from lodge, you’re doing exactly that. You’re leaving your fellow craftsmen to carry the load that should be shared among all the brethren.

The Real Problem - Commitment vs. Convenience

This reveals something uncomfortable that we need to address. Many brethren have an issue with accountability and commitment.

When you became a Mason, your lodge’s meeting night should have been marked in your calendar and blocked out for that night. The same with management meeting or rehearsal nights. These aren’t optional dates that you fit in around your social calendar. These are commitments.

Brethren need to remember this is their night for themselves. To escape the world for a few hours, to socialise with like-minded men, to improve themselves, and to come into a sacred space and practice something that’s been going on for 700 years. Yes, emergencies do come up. Yes, there are things that are unavoidable from a scheduling perspective. But many brethren treat lodge as an afterthought. Instead of having it as a commitment, it’s treated as “if nothing else comes up.”

This needs to change. Brethren should be scheduling their lives around their lodge meeting nights, not the other way around. That football match will be on again next week. That TV series will still be there tomorrow. But your brethren, gathering in that lodge room, won’t be. And the opportunity to be part of something greater than yourself doesn’t wait for your convenience.

When you come to lodge, you are bringing a stone. That stone is you. It’s the stone you’ve worked on in the quarries of your daily life, outside the lodge room. You’ve chipped away at your rough edges through your experiences, your challenges, your personal growth. At lodge, that stone is tested against the working tools. The square, the level, the plumb rule. These tools don’t just test the stone. They test you. They measure whether the work you’ve been doing on yourself is true and proper. And then, if found worthy, your stone is placed in the temple alongside the stones of your brethren.

What We’re Really Building Together

Before we talk about solutions, we need to remember something fundamental about what a lodge actually is and what we’re doing when we gather.

A lodge is symbolical of a building or construction company that has been employed to build the temple. Not just any building. The temple. And when you don’t come to lodge, you’re leaving the building of that temple to everyone else. You’re making your brethren construct something that requires all of our stones, all of our labour, all of our presence.

Think about what this means. The temple we’re building is never completed. It’s always a work in progress. There will never be a day when we can stand back and say, “It’s finished. We’re done. No more work required.” The work continues. Generation after generation of Masons have placed their stones. And it will continue long after we’re gone.

But here’s the crucial part. Your stone matters. The work you bring matters. The temple cannot be what it’s meant to be if stones are missing. If the craftsmen don’t show up. If the builders decide that something else is more important than the collective work we’ve been entrusted with.

This is why the apology cascade is so damaging. It’s not just about attendance numbers or social dynamics. It’s about the fundamental purpose of why we gather as Masons. We are builders. We are craftsmen. We have been given the sacred task of constructing something that will outlast us all. And that work requires our presence, our commitment, and our stones.

The Solution - Proper Apology Protocol

The fix for this is straightforward, but it requires discipline and a commitment to doing things properly rather than taking the easy path.

We need two different protocols. One for those who are “working” (officers or brethren performing charges), and one for general members.

But before we get into the specifics, we need to address the elephant in the room. Why does it have to be a telephone call? Why not a text message, an email, or a direct message? And why am I being so specific about this?

Why Telephone Calls Matter (And Why Nothing Else Will Do)

Here’s the uncomfortable truth. A text message, email, or direct message allows you to avoid accountability. You type out your excuse, hit send, and you’re done. There’s no human connection. No voice on the other end expressing disappointment or concern. No opportunity for the other person to ask, “Is everything alright?” or “Is there anything we can do to help you make it?”

A telephone call requires you to actually speak to another human being. It requires you to hear their voice and let them hear yours. It creates a moment of genuine human connection where your absence becomes real, not just a notification on someone’s phone.

When you have to say out loud, “I’m not coming to lodge tonight because I’m tired from work,” or “I’ve got tickets to the football,” you hear yourself. You hear how that sounds when spoken to a brother who’s made the commitment to be there. And sometimes (not always, but sometimes) that moment of actually having to say it out loud makes you reconsider. It makes you think, “Actually, is this really more important than my lodge commitment?”

But here’s the critical part. The telephone call must be a connected call where you actually speak to the brother. Leaving a voicemail doesn’t count. If you get voicemail, you need to call back later or try another officer until you reach someone. Why? Because voicemail is just another form of one-way communication. It’s still the easy way out. It still allows you to avoid genuine human interaction and accountability.

The point isn’t just to inform someone of your absence. The point is to take responsibility for it. When you speak to a brother on the phone, you’re acknowledging that your absence affects real people. You’re showing respect for their time and commitment by giving them the respect of your voice, not just your typing fingers.

Think about it this way. If you were cancelling on a close friend for dinner, would you just text them? Or would you call them and actually explain? Your lodge brethren deserve at least the same consideration as your dinner mate.

The telephone call also does something else crucial. It creates a natural barrier against casual non-attendance. It’s easier to skip lodge when all you have to do is fire off a quick text. It’s harder when you know you’re going to have to actually speak to someone and explain yourself. That little bit of extra effort (picking up the phone, dialling the number, having the conversation) acts as a filter. It makes you think twice before deciding not to attend. And that’s exactly what we need.

This isn’t about making it difficult to send apologies. It’s about making the act of apologising match the seriousness of the commitment you made when you became a Mason. Easy apologies lead to easy absences. Meaningful apologies remind us of meaningful commitments.

Building Real Brotherhood Through Real Conversations

But there’s something even more profound that happens during these telephone conversations that we need to talk about. Something that strikes at the very heart of what it means to be a Mason.

When you call an officer to submit your apology, you have a conversation. Not a text exchange. Not an emoji reaction. A real conversation where context emerges, where life happens, where brotherhood becomes real.

That conversation reveals why you can’t attend. Maybe it’s because something wonderful has happened. It’s your wedding anniversary, your child’s birthday, a significant family celebration. Or perhaps it’s because something difficult is happening. You’re unwell, a loved one is sick, you’re dealing with a challenging situation at work or at home.

As Masons, we are supposed to be brothers. We are supposed to champion brotherly love and compassion for each other. These aren’t just words we recite in our obligations and ritual. They’re supposed to be lived principles that shape how we treat one another.

When a brother calls to apologise because the meeting clashes with his wedding anniversary or an immediate family member’s birthday, this is news that should be shared with the wider membership. When a brother can’t attend because he’s unwell or caring for a sick loved one, this is information that his brethren need to know.

Why? Because then we can actually be brothers.

At the meeting, when apologies have been properly announced and the context shared, brethren can pick up their phones and call that absent brother. They can congratulate him on his anniversary. They can wish his child a happy birthday. They can ask, “Is there anything we can do to help?” when illness strikes. They can offer to visit, to bring a meal, to simply be present during a difficult time.

And here’s where the true power of group chats and smartphones comes in. Not for sending apologies, but for bringing the lodge to your absent brother. Imagine a brother is absent because it’s his son’s birthday. At the festive board, someone takes their phone out and records a video of all the brethren singing happy birthday to his son. That video gets sent to your brother. He shows it to his son. Can you picture that moment? A room full of men in suits, gathered in brotherhood, taking time to celebrate a boy they’ve never met because they care about his father.

That’s the lodge coming to life outside the lodge room. That’s Freemasonry making an impact not just on the Mason, but on his family. For a lewis (the son of a Mason), having these sprinkles of positive interactions with Masonry throughout his life plants seeds. He sees his father’s brethren care. He sees them show up. He experiences the reality of brotherhood, not just the theory of it. I will bet that on his 18th birthday, that young man will ask his dad, “Can I become a Mason too?”

This is what brotherly love looks like in action. Not a thumbs-up emoji on a group chat message. Not a generic “sorry you can’t make it mate” reply. Real connection. Real care. Real brotherhood.

Compare that to what happens with a group chat apology. “Can’t make it tonight, sorry.” What does that tell us? Nothing. Is he celebrating something wonderful? Is he struggling with something difficult? We have no idea. And so we have no opportunity to be the brethren we pledged to be.

For lodges to succeed (truly succeed, not just survive) we must build personal connections and true and genuine brotherly love for each other. Superficial messages via a group chat are just that. Superficial. They don’t live up to any of the values and principles we are supposed to believe in and apply in our daily lives.

When we reduce our communication to the lowest common denominator (the quick text, the brief message, the emoji) we reduce our brotherhood to something equally shallow. We become a social club with fancy titles rather than a fraternity bound by genuine care and connection.

The telephone call transforms an apology from a notification into an opportunity for brotherhood. It turns absence into presence, because even though the brother isn’t physically at lodge, his brethren know what’s happening in his life, and they can be present for him in the ways that matter.

The Specific Protocols

Now that we understand why telephone calls are essential, here are the specific protocols for different situations.

For Officers and Those Working

If it’s a rehearsal night and you can’t attend, telephone the Senior Warden. He’s in charge of the work, and he needs to know directly from you. Not a text. Not a message in the group chat. A phone call.

If it’s a regular meeting and you have an official role, you need to do three things:

1. Arrange for someone else to take your place

2. Telephone the Senior Warden to apologise for your absence and communicate who your replacement is

3. Telephone the Junior Warden to apologise for the South, as he needs to update the dinner booking numbers

Notice the common thread here. Telephone. Actually speak to your brethren. Take accountability for your absence by having a real conversation.

For General Members

Telephone the Lodge’s Membership Officer (not the Secretary). Again, not a text. Not a group chat message. An actual phone call where you speak to another human being and take responsibility for your absence.

But What About Transparency?

Some of you are thinking, “But if we don’t post apologies in the group chat, how will everyone know who can’t attend?”

The answer is simple. We follow the traditional process that’s existed in Freemasonry for centuries, and it works perfectly well.

When you call the Senior Warden or Membership Officer with your apology, they record it in the Attendance Book. Then, during the meeting when the Worshipful Master calls for apologies, the appropriate officer stands up and announces them to the lodge. This isn’t just a dry reading of names. It’s an opportunity for the officer to share an update about their absent brethren. “Brother Smith sends his apologies; he’s dealing with a family matter and asks for our thoughts,” or “Brother Jones is travelling for work and hopes to be back for next month’s meeting.”

This creates genuine transparency with a human touch. The brethren assembled know who’s absent and why. They can respond appropriately. Perhaps making a note to check in on Brother Smith, or asking Brother Jones about his work trip when they next see him. Where did he travel to? Was it some place exciting or just a boring conference centre?

The Secretary then tables these apologies properly in the minutes, including the reason given, and these minutes are circulated to all brethren after the meeting. So even those who couldn’t attend know exactly who was absent and why. Everyone stays informed. True transparency is achieved.

But here’s what we avoid. The cascade. The psychological permission structure. The herd mentality that turns one apology into five. The brethren who are planning to attend don’t see a stream of excuses before the meeting. They see a well-attended lodge with brethren who honoured their commitment. Those who couldn’t attend are acknowledged respectfully, their reasons recorded properly, and the brotherhood moves forward.

The group chat is for building brotherhood, sharing information, and keeping brethren engaged. It’s not for creating a public permission structure for non-attendance.

The Uncomfortable Truth

Here’s what this really comes down to. Sending an apology via a group chat is easy. Making a phone call is harder. It requires you to actually speak to someone, to hear their voice, to engage in a real human interaction where your absence has consequences and your commitment is tested.

And that’s precisely why phone calls are the better option. Because when something is easy, we do it without thinking. When something requires effort, we do it with intention. And your commitment to your lodge should be intentional, not convenient.

Will this completely eliminate the problem of poor attendance? No. Life happens, and sometimes brethren genuinely cannot attend. But it will eliminate the apology cascade. It will stop the herd mentality that turns one absence into five. It will create a culture where attendance is the default, not the exception. And it will remind every brother that their presence matters, their commitment counts, and their lodge is worth more than a quick text message excuse.

Making the Change

If you’re a lodge officer reading this, here’s what you can do.

Bring this up at your next management meeting. Discuss implementing a proper apology protocol. Make it clear that while group chats are valuable for communication, they’re not the appropriate channel for apologies. Put the protocol in writing. Share it with the lodge. And most importantly, lead by example.

If you’re a general member reading this, start making phone calls instead of sending texts. Show your brethren that your commitment to the lodge is worth the effort of a real conversation.

Your lodge’s health depends on brethren who show up. And if you can’t show up, the least you can do is show up in the way you handle your absence. With accountability, with respect for your brethren’s time, and with the kind of commitment that deserves to be called Masonic.

The group chat cascade is killing lodges slowly, one easy text message at a time. It’s time to break the cycle.